what I tell myself is, all these people, they live in queens, or the san fernando valley, or whatever, and they tell themselves, they couldn’t stand to live as far from the ocean as all that, but when you look at the quality of life that they actually have, going to work at the dry cleaners, or stuck in traffic on the lie for most of their existence, and maybe they get out to the beach a couple of times a year, that would be good.
no question, there are many lives being lived in this country that pretty much suck. many of them in or near urban centers, lives so abysmal, that people who live in the country — even poor people who live in the country — just couldn’t comprehend. I suspect there’s different kinds of misery out there, but given a halfway decent family life, and the truth is, you don’t need lots of people to have a good life, just a few friends, a bit of family, and just one lover. that’s all you need. that’s the way its supposed to be. and people say they need the city life, but the older I get, the less I need. and the changing times have only helped — with the internet, and satellite tv, and all the crazy communications technology we’ve got working for us, if you want to really get out there, you can.
but the complexity of my inner workings, its like the intricate gearworks of a fine watch — a watch that not only tells the time, but rather, how much better it would be if the time were actually something other than it is.
and then I give the lie to myself, and I am that person, on lamar boulevard, stuck in traffic, asking myself, “what the hell am I doing HERE?”, but in the scheme of things, that rarely happens. you spend the vast majority of your time in certain circles, and mine revolve around the short drive through suburban neighborhoods past my kids’ school, to work, to the park, to the lake. and other than the odd trip to town, to the hospital all too frequently, lately, to the airport for a business trip or vacation — that’s about it.
but then it comes back to me. why am I here? at first, I won’t lie to you, it was a stoner’s paradise. plain and simple. think about it, a university town, not a bad university, not that hard, not that challenging. on its own kind of hip circuit. and when you get out of town, we’ve got that kind of pure, western air, like you’ve seen in so many westerns, but this is real. and on top of that, the people are friendly, the girls are cute, and the dope is cheap, and plentiful. can you blame me?
ok, so there it is, there’s you’re fucking answer to the riddle. turns out, I’m a really lucky person, who stumbled onto something good, really good. my only regret, if I have any, is that I didn’t realize how good it was, and double down, you know? but, I came away from the table a winner. only you can’t always just come right out and tell that story the way it happened, now, can you?