Weird dreams last night. Or more likely this morning, since I slept in today. the kids woke me up in a tizzy ‘cos monica was driving lizzie to school, and the p.o.s. volvo stalled halfway out the driveway, and she was blocking traffic and couldn’t get the thing restarted. turned out she still had it in drive, so I put it in park, and started her up and shot back into the driveway, and she was grateful and on her way, and I went back to bed. I started out thinking I’d just not be as early as usual today, 9:30 maybe or 10:00, rather than 7:30 or 8:30. lots of programmers drag in at hours like that, but I slept even longer, and I won’t lie to you, when I woke up, I just felt like playing hookie. Oh, I’ll get online later and try to do some work, but my laptop’s crapping out too, so maybe not. I’ve got myself a couple of new computer projects, my todo list is more than a whole page long, and of course, I’m looking around at the job market as well. I could keep myself busy for weeks, really. Plus, I owe the dogs a run, maybe I’ll take them to the lake, even though its cloudy and rainy again.
But as for my dream, it was weird in a couple of ways. Let me start with Monseigneur Elmer. What the hell was he doing in there? We were chatting, because I had stopped in for some reason. We were in his residence, and he was drawing on the walls, of all things, in like one of those silver markers the kids use, he drew a perfect pegausus, like the one on the old mobil oil logo, really fast and expertly. I remarked on it and he said his father made him practice that for three months. I didn’t ask why. We were just talking, but I had something on my mind, and I said, “Father, do you mind if I confess something” and he looked at me startled, and said, “that’s a sacrament before God. we can’t just do that.” although I think you probably can, any honest confession to a faithful friend must be valid, because in the words of the Sikh Guru Nanak, “please tell me where God is not?” but I didn’t say that, I just passed, and said, well, let me just tell you — I have been unfaithful.
[ed. note — this is just in my dream! :-]
she lived in those apartments on 620 and I was just coming from there, and passed the church, and that’s why I was there. she was nice, and what I remember most was that she gave me this feeling, I can’t describe really, just like she admired me. It was a good feeling.
I remember how we met. we were at this community house, like a shared public house, with a living room and a kitchen that was a part of this community where we were visiting. but I was cleaning up, doing the dishes and she came in and touched me, and thanked me and we got to talking, and I told her about my shoulder problems, and she started giving me this massage. and remembering that this was a dream, it was like the best massage you could ever imagine, soft at times, strong at times, in just the right spots. and between the way she talked to me and the way she touched me, I mean, I just fell in love. could you blame me?
and so that’s how we wound up back at her place, but it wasn’t wrong. if anything, it was too right. and that’s what I wanted to confess, that in my heart, I wanted more than I was getting from this life, God help me.
January 6, 2007 at 10:58 pm
I guess I should have looked around a little bit more in earnest, because, as it turned out, business took a turn for the worse and I got laid off in October 2005, shortly after the events in this entry occurred.
I should have known, in fact I did know, because a friend who was in a position to know had warned me about six months previously, “you are the highest paid engineer in the whole department. you have a target on your back.†in retrospect, how dumb do you think you’d have to be to stick around after someone tells you something like that? on the other hand, why not make hay while the sun shines? I didn’t exactly have anybody else throwing money at me. at what point does it make sense to quit your job when you have a wife and kids depending on you? who knows what the future will bring? and on the other other hand, what I didn’t know was that not only was management just plain stupid and making dumb decisions, they were outright lying to us about business prospects in our closed door status meetings. but more than that, evidently, they were lying to the shareholders not to mention the SEC. that company has since been delisted, and have had to withdraw their financial disclosures, and last I heard, they’re like a year late getting their audit put together, its that hard to get the numbers to add up. they should probably all be in jail. with my experience, I suppose maybe I should have been able to guess that, but really the only reason I stayed was because it was a nice digs, good money, and a short commute. why not?